Begs, Allow I 2 Ranting Bout Grammar

Translation: Please, allow me to rant about grammar.

hmmmm-i-disagrees-with-your-theories (143x200) Not a rant as such, but a hopeful advisory notice for those who do not know how to speak (or write) the beautiful English language.

My reasons for disliking the misuse of the language are many:

Firstly, English is a language. Language is a form of communication. If you are not speaking the language correctly, then the intended receiver of your message is instead receiving utter nonsense and a headache.

Unless, in the case of special discourses (lolcat, txtspk) the receiver is also fluent in this language. Then you may “Can I has” all you like, all day long.

The problem comes when someone is attempting to communicate a complicated message to someone outside of the discourse of their language. For example:

I can has life? I r livin? I r thinkin, therfor I is! It simpel!

An ordinary lay-person would have difficulty reading and understanding this concept. After a bit of thinking and translating, they would understand, pronouncing an eager “Egad, the chap is discussing Descarte! However could I have not seen it?” but by this point the effort of translating from pseudo-lolcat into English has taken its toll. The gentleman’s brain is tired, and he cannot process any more.

I understand that if a regular lolcat was to see this statement, they would not have to translate it, and would have no trouble stating “O! Dey is kwotin Day-Kart!” and the conversation would continue.

You must, then, choose the language for the situation, and the intended audience.

Please. Do not use text-speak in a long drawn out argument on a forum. Do not hand in an essay in lolcat. Do not attempt to write a legal letter in 1337speak; the law may fail to spot your obvious superiority.

On to the second point.

phoenix_wright_news (200x128) It is as simple as this, and please leave your automatic disregard for later: Bad grammar does not help your argument.

I know full well that being bad at grammar doesn’t make you a stupid, but winning an argument (if at all possible) is not about being correct, it’s about winning the respect of the opposition.

If you say something that is logically flawless, and then go on to mock the opposing force about their form of dress and moranity, you are highly likely to make them a bit angry. Despite being right, you’ve just made an enemy.

Despite being right, you’re still a jerk.

If you make a point that is fully logical and correct in its correlations, but your writing is riddled with grammatical errors, your opposition will lose respect for you.


Person 1: I think very much that the earth is flat. It makes sense.

Person 2: but your wrong.the earht isnt flat, they used instruments and calculatered the shape of the earth.

Person 1: I wish to end this conversation.

Hmm. I have lost faith in my own example. How shocking.

Let us try another:

Person 1: Batman and Robin was a far superior movie to the new Batman Begins pish-posh.

Person 2: na, the new one is much better it goes back too the oringonal dark atmospere of the comics. Batman and Robin was aimed at famlies batman shoud never be aimed at famlies.

Person 1: I wish to end this conversation.

Yet again, an example has flopped. Let’s leave them in there for sheer stupidity’s sake.

Just don’t blame me for them.

Aaaaaaaaanyways, onto reason number three.

English is an evolving language. It only takes a time-warp of 500 years backwards to find the words “thou” and “hast” in common usage (and not just by Shakespearean imitators)

You need only jump back one year to find the word “w00t” being added into Webster’s dictionary. Zeros and all.

Language evolves when people use a new different word over and over. The word becomes more common, and eventually enters everyday life.

This happens with many words, like the renewal of skin cells, until eventually you have a whole new arm- I mean language.

I do not want to see the English language transform into what I am seeing all too often. Through misuse and misunderstanding, the mixing of “your” and “you’re”, “their” and “they’re” and even “to” and “too” is rampant.

English is a beautiful language, and once you understand it, it makes so much sense.

Of course, it has its limitations, and the learning curve can be an entire lifetime, but once you get there, it can unlock a lot.

I do not want to see this art-form devolve into “Oi. you’re zips down” or “i hav ben hear to many nites.”


Is ugly.

It is as graceful as an elephant falling over. It is as charming as the rear end of a skunk.

Picture 010 (200x150) At this point, the Maddened Man, truly devoid of hope, rests his head in his hands, sobbing gently to himself.

He questions the fate of the universe.

How will it end?

It will end, he says, with the words:

“your dum.”